Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
