stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
