I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
