using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
