I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
