The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.