Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
