We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!