I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.