OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.