Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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