brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize