Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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