Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
