apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
