hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
