No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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