Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
