I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize