Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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