There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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