apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
