those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
