I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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