his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
