Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
