If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize