So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
