I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
