I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
