we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
