i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
