Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
