We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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