Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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