ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
