"it" just moved
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
