erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
