i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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