yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
