The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
