And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
