I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
