you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
