first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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