Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
