She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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