he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
