she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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