May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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