Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
