D3 body, D1 cock
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
