He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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