She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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