...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
