When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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