I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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