Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
