how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
