Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
