Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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