She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
