I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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