I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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