It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
