I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
