You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
