people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
