no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
