my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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