It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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