The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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