When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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