she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
