My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
