So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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