I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
FUCK WHALES
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
