is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
