I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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